Then there was the weather that always seemed perfect for 4 p.m. Several shades of grey painted the clouds that danced across the sky broodingly. The wind sailed on by, carrying an earthy scent of soil and manure, and causing little whirls of orange, red, and brown leaves that had given up on life, to dance across the parking lot.
I walked out of the school gates hurriedly, slipping on my brown leather jacket and shoving my hands into the pockets. The wind slapped locks of my brown wig onto my face as I sauntered down the sidewalk. Usually, I'd be stomping on leaves, avoiding cracks in the sidewalks, and making up games for both, but today I ignored them; I already had too much to think about.
I had come to the conclusion earlier on that I was in love with Avian, but what did that say about me? Did that mean I was desperate? Or so broken that I clung onto any hopes of feeling alive and in love once again? I had known Avian for one month, and I was in love with him.
What did that mean for Alex and me?
Did I even still have feelings for the one I once called the love of my life? My soul mate? If I was in love with Avian, could I still be in love with Alex? Or did I just love him, and wasn't necessarily in love with him?
The most important question though, that had racked my brain as I sorted out my feelings for both boys, was how did Avian feel about me?
I seethed and ran my tongue over the back of my teeth. I knew I was still mad at Avian, and at the fact that he had chosen to give in to the sickness and not fight it, but would he fight again if he knew how I felt about him? Would he fight to stay with me? Was I even sure that he loved me that much? That night, when he'd come over to my house to apologize for storming off, he'd said that he didn't want to rush me into anything.
What did that mean? That he liked me but didn't want to 'rush' me into a relationship? Or was I just really delusional and it was all in my head?
"You should go see him."
I jumped, completely startled as I turned around swiftly.
Lolita stood there with a small smile, her glistening brown eyes almost the same shade as the leaves drifting by. She folded her hands over her chest, wordlessly pulling her coat tighter around her body as she let out a slight shiver. Slowly, she walked forward, standing next to me with a comforting smile.
I sighed and pushed my bangs out of my face.
"I thought you wanted me to stay away from him."
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